Waiting On a Woman

OK, but if I were singing this song, the opening would probably go thusly-

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
''You waitin' on a woman?''
I nodded yeah
And then I moved to another bench where random old guys weren't talking to me

I'll unleash it as soon as the Misanthropic Country sub-genre takes off.

Before He Cheats

While justifying utterly ruining all her boyfriends expensive stuff, Carrie Underwood mentions this-

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink/
cause she can't shoot whiskey...

Oh God yes, the horrid bitch can't drink as much as you. That's the worst thing going on this song. Man, I can't imagine why this guy is cheating on you, you alcoholic psycho.

Small Town Southern Man

There have been like, a million country songs about the honest, hardworking, noble farmer's son, getting married, having kids, working hard, being noble, not getting involved with any of that fancy stuff they do on the coasts like having an opinion on politics or getting gay married, then dying. But never before has anyone made an unexciting life sound so banal as Alan Jackson.

Also, why is everyone in country songs today still the son of a farmer? By my reckoning there's like, 5 non-corporate farms left in the US. Come on guys, you can't all grow up on them.

International Harvester

I’m the son of a 3rd generation farmer
I’ve been married 10 years to the farmer’s daughter

See, it's the "the farmers daughter", right after referencing "a 3rd generation farmer" that makes this song sound just a tad incestuous right off the bat.

Cowgirls Don't Cry

Life is terrible, then your dad dies. Chin up, though!

Muddy Water

Trace Adkins is already well on his way to ruining country music with such pandering fare as "Songs About Me" and the abhorrent "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" (which was reportedly written in a single hour, and certainly sounds like it).

There's nothing overtly insulting about "Muddy Water", but I have to wonder, what is it exactly that causes Trace Adkins to believe his soul is in such deplorable condition. I mean other than the obvious. KFC commerical voiceovers? The fact that he uh, wrote a book?

I guess I should be bothered that the title of the song could be seen as an attempt by Adkins to link himself to an actual good musician.

15 Minutes of Shame

Number of verses dedicated to promising embarrassment for ex by way of singing indictments of bad behavior- 28

Number of verses offering actual indictment of bad behavior- 0

Number of verses asserting vauge implication of ex being "pretty good at workin' a line"- 1

Number of people who would realistically be embarrssed by this song- 1 (Kristy Lee Cook)

Number of reasons this song ever got near a Top 40 chart- 1 (Kristy Lee Cook being an American Idol middle of the pack finisher, something country music can't get enough of lately.)